Drama.

A lot of things are going in and out of my mind right now. I don't know, I think I am quite stressed, depressed and opressed all at the same time. The worst thing about being all these at the same time is not knowing the reason why I do feel this way.

Actually, I do feel stressed because of the enrollment process, which takes so long to get me through it. But I don't know, something's telling me its not this that I am pretty much stressed about. I still feel physically strong (even if I have a lot of luggages underneath my flabby epithelials). I can still get hyperactive and everything; but at the end of the day, I still feel stressed. I don't get it.

I am quite depressed of certain happenings recently. All the awkwardness. All the untimely things happening. It feels like I'm getting a lot weaker emotionally. Before, I don't often get too attached with things or people. But now, I feel so weak; perhaps, spent out. I feel like I'm emotionally tired of feeling the same emotions. I feel lonely. Scratch that, I feel so alone.

I feel pity for myself. I have friends coming in and out of my social network, but I push them away. I feel so sad, because I feel like no one has really fought for me, at any extent. I feel so unhappy, that after all I do for everyone, I still end up on the losing side. I still end up as a sore loser, who has been taken advantage of. I still end up being the guy who'd rather be a friend than more than that. I still end up being the bad guy. I can't bear any more depression.

Financial problems makes me think twice of me studying in UP. Add to that, both my parents are sooo old, ill and alone in Olongapo. If only there's a 5-minute jeepney ride from UP to Olongapo, I won't feel worried. The only thing I can do is pray for their safety and study really hard.

I am a very talkative person. I love to share stories and experiences; this makes me wonder. Why do I feel so opressed? Why do I feel so outspoken? In debates or mere discussions, I always feel like I can't defend myself. I always feel like someone's arguments gets the best of me. Though I have really strong points, people tend to listen to the other person I'm discussing something with. I feel so alone, I don't have anyone willing to back me up.

I am actually kinder than before. The one who was once competitive and tough might have become weak and fragile.

I am not ready yet, to sacrifice every ounce of happiness left in me.
I feel alone because of a certain something, which I can only keep to myself.
And pretend. I don't see anything.
I can only say this things on my head.
Because no one would want to know.
And believe. I don't feel anything.
Heartless. I can't cry.
I have to be happy, for someone.
Hide your emotions. You need not cry.
You can't be weak in front of this people.
They won't understand, your image is of a clown.
Funny. Unexpectedly, you're not having fun.
The show must go on. You have to smile.
Even if you're heart's falling into pieces.
And only one can make it all well again.
But who?
I know who, but I want it to come voluntarily.
I guess I'll never be whole again.
Sadly.