I Love Her But She's Taken

Shoosh. Let me start this entry by saying, I am considering dropping my Math subject. I am in the verge of failing it but I realize, I just have to try and fight to get possibly a 3.0 or a 4.0. That's better than a 5.0, which can in turn put me into termination of my DOST Scholarship.

But of course I can't do that. I can't let me be terminated in the scholarship so I would write an appeal letter for me to be still in the program scholarship. I'd start to find a decent private scholarship to have me backed up if DOST would collapse my dreams of becoming an engineer. :)

Well, last night was sad. I learned from reliable sources, that she had already said her "oo" to the guy. And of course, I was upset. No, I was mummified. I felt numb, staring blank at this invisible line of darkness. I feel like the whole world turned against me and felt hopeless and sorry and insecured and spent. All at the same time.

I really don't have the right to be mad or anything because we have no whatsoever. One-way love. And never should I be so sorry for myself because of this...

But...
that's the sad part that you can't blame anyone right now. And that you are in no place to be mad. Because she never had a relationship to you or whatsoever. Halata bang hindi ko ma-explain yung relationship or whatsoever? The saddest and most painful part is still I wanna talk to her and be friends and be nice and all and be someone who she can talk to, but I can't separate the feeling I have inside which is continuously growing even I'm in so much hurt from her right now.

And I hate the feeling because I know I said I gave up before and I thought it would be to lessen the hurt but the hurt keeps going. Sadly, I have to move on. Which were some words I keep on telling to myself but until now, I can't. She's the first and as of now only girl I have intimately fallen in love, so how can you expect me to ignore the feeling that tries to live me up every single day. I still have had hopes.

On the other hand, this love is sadly hurting me right now. And every single second I think of her and every single second my heart's falling apart. Typecast song anyone? Scars of a Failing Heart. Sucky thing is I have to live with it. I'm just fortunate I can see her still next semester, when she steps at the university I'm in. Yun lang ang lamang ko, makikita ko siya palagi.

Anyways...

Words are not important
Smiles are all I need from you

Smile ka lang ayos na ako. I still love you but you are taken. At asa naman akong mahalin mo di ba?

This song is the song of the moment as of now:

I remember how can i forget?
Unpredictable but no regrets
I'm drowning in endless waters
Your hand is out there somewhere

I guess it's time to say goodbye
Please no more lies
I've had enough of wasted time
What i don't have

I wear the costume of never ending shame
But somehow i feel okay
Help me remember to forget
I want to forget
But you're. ..

Beautiful and i can't stop myself
From feeling numb
I'm here waiting for you. ..

To break my heart






WORDS OF WISDOM

Release yourself from self-imposed restrictions or rules today.
Do what feels right.